One of the most memorable events in life are the ones that we never planned for. On that Sunday morning, there was a red carpet at the entrance of the church with ushers on both sides who welcomed me with both smiles, handshake and ovation like I was a super star. In my imagination, I was walking into the venue of the Grammy awards. I walked into the building like I deserved some accolades. May be I had unknowingly paid my dues all the days I sang in the shower. Don’t blame me for the air I had around me, after all, it was my Father’s house. In the middle of the sermon, I had rumbling in my stomach and it went boom – bara-boom-bara-boom! I knew that trouble time was here. Half of my body was hot and the other half was cold like Ikogosi spring in Ekiti. I crossed my legs to know if that could help, that was when all hell broke loose. I couldn’t sit anymore. Immediately I heard the pastor say, ‘let us pray’, I sprang up like a rabbit and raced for the door. You may never know how talented you are until there are no options. I never knew I could multi task. I was removing my high heels, bringing out my flat pair of slippers, signalling a bike to come and running at the same time.
Unlike other days I was always scared of taking a bike on the expressway, this time I didn’t care at all. My stomach kept rumbling the more. I was sweating badly.At the sight of my gate, I felt relieved. I tried to open the gate but the key could not open it. I opened my mouth to tell the bike man to help me, words failed me but sign language came to my rescue.
I was walking up and down stretching out my hands and legs, squeezing my fingers while passersby stared at me. I was dancing to the rhythm unknown as though there was a drum beating sounds of confusion from the land of the unknown. Truly,the gods must be crazy!
Immediately the gate opened, the race for dear life began. My slippers flew to the south, my bag went west, my bangle dangled to the east and my body was running to the north. After I finally got relief in the toilet , I spent the next couple of seconds laughing sheepishly at myself with sweat running down my face like blood. Could this be me, Onyinye the fine girl, asampete 1 of Awka-Etiti, has been disgraced by this natural phenomenon? Chai! I reached out for my phone to say hello to the world, that was when I remembered I had left my belongings outside. Only for me to go and close the gate, guess who I saw? The bike man. ‘Oga,so you have been here? Sorry o’. He smiled, ‘madam, I no dey vex. I know wetin happen to you no be small thing’. We both had a good laugh. I paid him and we waved at each other while he drove off. Good human!
It’s been three years now and anytime I remember it, I smile so hard. So before you kill yourself because of that embarrassment, heartbreak, betrayal or being taken for granted, just remember that everything can be summarized in three words:
‘Life goes on.’
Photo credit: Enefaa photos